James 4:2b; Matthew 7:9-10
There is a principle in Scripture concerning prayer that also works for communicating your needs: “You have not because you ask not” (James 4:2b).
Jesus further elaborates on being specific when we ask: “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? (Matthew 7:9-10 NIV).
James says we do without because we have not specifically requested that God meet that need. Jesus tells us to ask God specifically. I am not comparing your husband to God, but the principle can work with your husband too. Marriage teaches us about God’s love for us. In fact, there is an entire book of the Bible, Song of Solomon, about Solomon’s marriage to a Shulamite woman, dedicated to showing Christ’s relationship and love for the church. Marriage should reflect God’s love and covenant relationship with every believer.
If you don’t share with your husband specifically what you need, he may miss knowing what you need. It’s much better to feel a bit awkward by telling your husband what you need than it is for you to feel frustrated with him later because he did not know. Remember, husbands are not good mind readers.
5 WAYS TO SPECIFICALLY SHARE YOUR NEEDS WITH YOUR HUSBAND
- List the needs you have that can be met through your husband. Maybe make a list of ten specific needs you have that your husband can meet.
- Pray over them first, taking your needs to God.
- Find the right time to share with your husband what you need. Try to schedule it when he is not under more stress or where there are distractions. Usually when a man first gets home from work is not the ideal time to unload the things you need. Ask God to give you the right timing.
- Be as specific as possible. Men sometimes can be a little dense :). Spell it out for him.
- Don’t overwhelm your husband but think about one thing he could do to meet a present need in your life. When my wife says to me, “Jay, there is something I need that only you can meet,” that gets my attention.
Thank your husband for being the kind of man that desires to know and meet your needs. He truly wants to meet your needs. I encourage you to read Willard F. Harley’s wonderful book, “His Needs, Her Needs.” That could be a game changer for your marriage.